Of Saints and Shadows

There is always one more chance. But always one more question inside my head asking if it’s deserved. There is always one more chance. To live, to love, to be hurt, to grow, to understand, to change. I ask myself, is this worth it? Will one more chance be all the opportunity you need to learn, to change. Will this one chance more be squandered like the rest. How many have come before. Does it all really matter. Later I will tell you that none of this ever mattered. Maybe you’ll tell me nothing ever did. But what will matter, what may be the only thing to have mattered will be all that there was, is, will always be--just one more chance. Like the universe they are infinite.

We leave everything important left unsaid Incomprehensible chatter fills our day, the night It fills the silence Just so we feel less alone In this way we will be connected But what is said Nothing of substance, nothing of context or consequence Everything important is left unsaid Not even at the tip of your tongue Lodged far down your throat, too far to escape When will we say what needs to be heard Speak words that need to be told Silence cultivates a danger you don’t know how to fight Your approach is all wrong But you won’t dare to speak of this

You didn’t think it would faze me Throw out your dollar bills Our arms are wide open Taking in your delicate love I forgot to ask how much this would cost us How much was I willing to pay You’re coming up short and it’s no surprise to me Your powder smears on my cheek The colors blossom out Beautiful evening blues and rich wine We’ve painted our stories Across There are no kisses to send you home with There are no kisses to send you off There is no kiss that hasn’t turned to ash I feel the bones of your hands Soft like powder between my fingers You didn’t think it would faze me Throw out your dollar bills Our arms are wide open Taking in your delicate love I forgot to ask how much this would cost us How much was I willing to pay You’re coming up short and it’s no surprise to me

I’m more than glad to sacrifice everything Laugh just a bit louder tomorrow There’s so much you never knew This is the last time A final chance in a string of endless opportunity Right now, I can’t wait to see that look You can’t imagine Can’t bring me down The anger was misplaced The tears unjustified The sweet sound of laughter was only confusing That night the stars smiled We were alive again

I wish it really was that simple Tomorrow I’ll drive away Tonight I’ll stand at the edge and fly I’ll be open and exposed Could you really believe everything I said? Maybe you heard the things I never did Everything is clearer in the morning Sun rising You stand at attention waiting for your executioner The truth is a hard mistress to bear Learn to fake what you can’t handle I am the best at cheating myself

I broke a promise today Not to you, to me I tried to love you, to move forward and live Two out of three isn’t bad Elusive, but more important than the rest I got lost in this game Maybe I did lose But I’ll keep taking these hits till morning comes Just so I can be here Right where I most want to be