Of Saints and Shadows

Shadows stretch across the floor We lie here Wrapped up in ourselves Content with you Relaxed and at peace I never thought to feel this again A safety I never thought to hold It was even better than the last And all because this time it's you At my back Content Just lie with me

You don't torture me anymore I hope you know The truth was always known to me Accepted The heart only needed to catch up The flow of love, of happiness Continuous It was there from the beginning It will be there at the very end Even though it doesn't come from you It will always be found again

Do I torture you? You torture me And you're not even here. Shadows upon my face You make me tired A hundred years could never remove the damage Sleep will never give me rest

You watch me I watch you Patience barely concealed We dance like animals Our ballet of dominance Circling around this We won't talk about it now Your teeth are strong My nails are sharp Biting deep It's just flesh and bone Rain falls in crimson drops to streak our bodies It was your words that hurt me Made me bleed Made me weak

Can you feel it? It burns through the body Like swallowing poison Nerve endings aflame You know this is it The end Perhaps it has already begun Were you too busy to notice? This will touch us all in the end Catch us Burn us There is no escape For how can you escape something so pure as rage?

Eyes so old Centuries past have been lived You're barely an adult So sad your face What was so difficult to have broken you? You don't belong here Wise beyond what you project You've seen so much Please Tell me what you know Let me share in this Allow me to help In this burden you carry

It was everything and nothing Still This time I remembered to breath So why did my heart skip a beat? Smile Yes, you remember My smiles The ones meant for you The ones that said you were completely unpredictable In that I found a measure of predictability You coax them from me with such practiced ease It was almost easy to say Time hadn't moved forward Still Perfectly immobile Trapped in those days where the sun warmed our skin Snow flakes beaded to drops of water in our hair Preserved That's how I like to remember my heart

This is what I have to do to hold myself together I lost whole pieces to you once Now I lose everything else You're not worth it Confusion and pain You're not worth bending my heart and soul around

You didn't have to read between any of these lines It was right there Plain to see If you just bothered to look I needed help Asked for it From you Was it too much? You should know better than anyone how proud I am

You think I'm beautiful But am I really? Are they just words to comfort Why won't you touch me? Poisoned skin I know I am capable of wondrous things Beauty and strength Unique to me A kindness and compassion far beyond the many Why do you still not touch me? My poisonous skin

You ask me to come Follow where you may go I come back Again and again I guess it was never enough Could never be enough But I'll hold on to this fantasy You will allow me too

"The Greeks believed that once there were no male and female, that all souls were one. Then the souls were torn apart, male and female. The Greeks thought that when you found the other half of your soul, your soul mate, that it would be your perfect lover. But I think if you find your other half, you would be too much alike to be lovers, but you would still be soul mates." (Extract from Obsidian Butterfly by Laurell K. Hamilton) -- Pg. 158 -- Edward speaking about Anita. As lovers our broken half souls join in union We become what we once were Whole. Together. One. We are as we should be. Together. Apart. Always one. Forever connected. Joined at the tattered edges of our souls. Connected. One needed to make the other whole Both needed to survive Head and heart. The soul will survive on. Forever

I use to wonder if this would be enough Your love and unspoken words Time passes quickly Light fades The day faded I answered your call But could never stay here with you Letting your words wash over me What is regret? I guess it was never enough Could never be enough

I cry for you But I can't let you see Once again I must be strong Must be whole to support you I'm in pieces inside Beautiful, fragmented pieces To keep you whole, strong They don't cut you as sharply as they once did me I don't know what to do anymore Did I ever? This facade is well known I feel old And a thousand years pass across my face

I don't know what to say I don't know what to do Not anymore My mind speeds forward With all its implications But what does it all mean? I can't think I'm so cold Where is my friend when I need comfort? Your protective arms

Sacrifice You sacrificed Gave up everything in the face of all others Abandoned life Just so you could make this your own You gave everything And in return? Nothing Your tears drown me Your voice strangles Someone so strong brought down so far How do I deal? How do I comfort? The more important question How do you survive?

Restless An obscure feeling But it burns through me like flame My nerves alight with this passion I don't want to feel this Trapped here There is no way to leave Not today I have to wait until I can go with you