Of Saints and Shadows

It takes so much out of me To pretend I’m tired Not just my eyes are heavy anymore I hear you breathing Lying next to me Warm But not safe Sleep doesn’t come to me readily It’s not something I crave I made a mistake Things went too far It wasn’t supposed to be this way I was acting in the moment I leaned on you Strength and support You give these things without even knowing If you knew Would you still give them To me? So freely? And somehow that makes me happy Happy The word sounds strange to me It’s not often that I feel this way Happens even less now What if I never remember to be happy again? Can’t remember how to be Falling apart Try to hold it together My problem Is that you heal me And my broken soul Glue the pieces into one jumbled mess The pieces fit better When its you putting them together It took so long to realize we didn’t exist Not anymore Maybe never before I die a little more each day I can never have what I want What is desired And needed to survive Just this semblance

Two souls. Two hearts Parted Memory and thought Past and present I wait here for you Because without Life is alive only in macabre detail Flying high Close at heart Running far--constant Safe in your out stretched arms I am home My happiness My second soul Together we are whole Soul mates We are bound

So casual You guess my secret But what do you believe? Do you realize You speak the truth As hard as that might be to hear To listen Harder, still, to comprehend Let me tell you now It was truth May always be the truth My secret no more For that I could never let you go Courage is lacking In me Do you believe me? I don't know if I want you to Believe what you say Even if your mind won't register Hard reality Life's changing circumstances It's all there To see One quick peak One silly little conversation That's all it takes To destroy. To create I love you because you make me Happy

You make me happy Ecstasy More than any other I'm afraid You can hurt me More than any other Without even trying I don't want you to have this To have my heart My soul I wish you didn't make me happy So happy There are no words Alone and numb You can make me cry out Only tears in the end

Never need the things you want Not receiving the things you need You're all I wanted And everything I need My thoughts over take Drown in over dramatic sorrows Why can't I be What was needed What you needed I can't afford what you offer Maybe I never could It just wasn't enough Not for either of us And I don't want to understand I would understand Just talk to me You don't want to keep me here I can't force myself To stay

Fostering insecurities You, my macabre fantasy Reality I just can't be the one To let go I'm not that strong And I know you can't be The one to let go You feed off my anguish My love, for you You devour my will My strength Do you even know this? Can't you see it in my eyes? I forgot You don't look me in the face Anymore.

Why do you do this to me? Your complex male-driven ego Do you like to see me this way? A perverse pleasure And tears falling heavy I need to know

Alight Passion consumes Fingers tips and lips All I want is to taste you Feel you Bury myself under your skin Burrowing under sheets of white Content with you This is what happiness is Is this what it feels like? Forgive me for this I wanted more More than a moment More than time could give us Hold me close And time slips away The murmurs of your voice I need to hear it again Our all consuming passion Feel it burning Below the surface it waits It scorches To lie here forever Warm, sated Safe That is my fantasy

Finger tips and skin Naked before you Kisses flow continuous Everything All there is Is here with you Safe warmth Your arms hold me Strong Your lips touch everything, everywhere Trust No hesitation This is love I cry My tears fall silent Heavy drops I can’t hold back I know I can’t keep you These stolen moments

There are things I’ll never say You’ll never know Didn’t know All you needed to do Just ask I would’ve told you Given you my darkest secret Pieces of my hidden soul You didn’t take the step Bravery did not become you Let the silence hang Suffocating There is no courage between us Nothing to hide To reveal