Logic Will Break Your Heart
Her eyes. That was his only immediate and overwhelming thought before he allowed himself the torture of blinking. A torture because he honestly believed that to be blind to those eyes, even for the second the action would require, would grant the necessary permission to see that focus disappear. Her eyes held the most profound intelligence, both cold and violent, he had ever witnessed in another human being. And though there had to be close to a hundred pulsing, heavy breathing bodies crammed into the medium sized room it was not hard to make out her form. Her movements neither lazy nor quick, he saw she still moved with a confidence that appeared calculated—purposeful in each bodily movement. Skillfully moving past the bodies and navigating the evenly dispersed stair rises, no movement was wasted. To him it was as if he were watching a rehearsed play. And still he thought, not a single movement was repeatable.
As if she could hear these thoughts and was driven by his curiosity of her, she looked up into his face. Their eyes locking, and that cold intelligence he first saw when she entered did not diminish, instead it grew brighter, almost as if she were laughing at him for the thoughts he was humoring.
He thought it was in defiance to his thoughts that she could read so well on his face that she walked up, past the remaining rows of the classroom to his and sat down leaving a single seat between them.
Now his brain was divided into warring factions. He could not very well study her from this angle without being supremely obvious; his other half however, was both humored and pleased by her decision. He did not want to analyze either of these sides very deeply, not really understanding their manifestation in the first place.
Today had started off as any other; it had gone on as usual with no extraordinary occurrences. This was not the first time he had attended this particular class, though he had never seen her before, and he was not interested in her presence for any carnal reasons that he could determine—already being in a satisfying relationship of a few months. And yet her presence filled his senses, made him hyperaware of his situation and of her. So much so that he caught himself unable to stop casting fervent glances in her direction since she had sat down.
“Excuse me.” Her voice cut through his brain like an accusation. He knew he had been caught staring. Still, he hoped not.
The book he had been pretending to read dropped from his hands, he turned to face her.
“I’m sorry to bother you, but do you have an extra pen I could borrow.”
Her face gave nothing away, he couldn’t read anything from her features, but her eyes were still bright and he knew she was laughing at the situation, at him, at her own words with an amusement he found funny as well.
A few more words were exchanged, the pen passing between them, before the professor entered and began his lecture. He did not notice if she had glanced at him at all throughout the next three hours they spent silently sitting next to each other. Strangely, he found himself hoping she watched him when he wasn’t looking, but quickly pushed the thought away when he reminded himself of Cathy.
“Thank you.”
She moved fast, ready to leave as soon as the professor dismissed the class for the afternoon. Standing beside his still seated form, pen extended, waiting for him to take his turn.
“No problem.” He took the pen back. It felt soft and warm having come from her.
The business between them concluded and she had yet to move. He could tell she was thinking of something. The war was waging naked on her face, and he thought this might be the only time he would ever see vulnerability on her features.
“Are you busy? After you’re done here, I mean.”
“No, I’m not busy. I was just going to head home.” That wasn’t completely accurate, he had another class start right after this. He really wasn’t sure why he had just lied, but the words came easy off his tongue.
“Would you like to grab some coffee with me?”
“Sure.” He didn’t pausing in answering. If he had he might have remembered that not more than a minute ago he was reminding himself that Cathy would be meeting him for a dinner date later, or that he had just lied to this girl about his schedule.
“My name is Victoria—Vicky—by the way.”
“Mitch. Nice to meet you.”
She smiled. A genuine turning up of her lips that made her more beautiful, brighter and more real to him. And then he had to wonder when he decided she was beautiful.
She followed behind his form as they left the room, followed as he lead the way to his car so that he could drop off his bag.
“I guess you don’t live around here if you drive.”
“This is my last semester so I’m living at home again, trying to save some money that way.”
“That sucks. Are you saving any money at least?”
“Not really. It’s all going towards things less than useful.”
She laughed. “Everything's a sacrifice.”
Mitch smiled. Vicky was definitely something unexpected. Together they walked towards a coffee shop that was not far. Neither had been there before, and yet both knew of it.
Until they both sat down, coffees in hand, at a small table by the window the conversation had been fairly minimal. Things like what year they were in, what program, where they were from. All the small details of a person’s life that seem to be so common and unimportant until these very moments.
As if she could hear these thoughts and was driven by his curiosity of her, she looked up into his face. Their eyes locking, and that cold intelligence he first saw when she entered did not diminish, instead it grew brighter, almost as if she were laughing at him for the thoughts he was humoring.
He thought it was in defiance to his thoughts that she could read so well on his face that she walked up, past the remaining rows of the classroom to his and sat down leaving a single seat between them.
Now his brain was divided into warring factions. He could not very well study her from this angle without being supremely obvious; his other half however, was both humored and pleased by her decision. He did not want to analyze either of these sides very deeply, not really understanding their manifestation in the first place.
Today had started off as any other; it had gone on as usual with no extraordinary occurrences. This was not the first time he had attended this particular class, though he had never seen her before, and he was not interested in her presence for any carnal reasons that he could determine—already being in a satisfying relationship of a few months. And yet her presence filled his senses, made him hyperaware of his situation and of her. So much so that he caught himself unable to stop casting fervent glances in her direction since she had sat down.
“Excuse me.” Her voice cut through his brain like an accusation. He knew he had been caught staring. Still, he hoped not.
The book he had been pretending to read dropped from his hands, he turned to face her.
“I’m sorry to bother you, but do you have an extra pen I could borrow.”
Her face gave nothing away, he couldn’t read anything from her features, but her eyes were still bright and he knew she was laughing at the situation, at him, at her own words with an amusement he found funny as well.
A few more words were exchanged, the pen passing between them, before the professor entered and began his lecture. He did not notice if she had glanced at him at all throughout the next three hours they spent silently sitting next to each other. Strangely, he found himself hoping she watched him when he wasn’t looking, but quickly pushed the thought away when he reminded himself of Cathy.
“Thank you.”
She moved fast, ready to leave as soon as the professor dismissed the class for the afternoon. Standing beside his still seated form, pen extended, waiting for him to take his turn.
“No problem.” He took the pen back. It felt soft and warm having come from her.
The business between them concluded and she had yet to move. He could tell she was thinking of something. The war was waging naked on her face, and he thought this might be the only time he would ever see vulnerability on her features.
“Are you busy? After you’re done here, I mean.”
“No, I’m not busy. I was just going to head home.” That wasn’t completely accurate, he had another class start right after this. He really wasn’t sure why he had just lied, but the words came easy off his tongue.
“Would you like to grab some coffee with me?”
“Sure.” He didn’t pausing in answering. If he had he might have remembered that not more than a minute ago he was reminding himself that Cathy would be meeting him for a dinner date later, or that he had just lied to this girl about his schedule.
“My name is Victoria—Vicky—by the way.”
“Mitch. Nice to meet you.”
She smiled. A genuine turning up of her lips that made her more beautiful, brighter and more real to him. And then he had to wonder when he decided she was beautiful.
She followed behind his form as they left the room, followed as he lead the way to his car so that he could drop off his bag.
“I guess you don’t live around here if you drive.”
“This is my last semester so I’m living at home again, trying to save some money that way.”
“That sucks. Are you saving any money at least?”
“Not really. It’s all going towards things less than useful.”
She laughed. “Everything's a sacrifice.”
Mitch smiled. Vicky was definitely something unexpected. Together they walked towards a coffee shop that was not far. Neither had been there before, and yet both knew of it.
Until they both sat down, coffees in hand, at a small table by the window the conversation had been fairly minimal. Things like what year they were in, what program, where they were from. All the small details of a person’s life that seem to be so common and unimportant until these very moments.
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