Of Saints and Shadows

Everything was quiet in the large bedroom. Peacefully silent. And he was grateful for the small respite, since his life and his mind had been in a constant state of chaos and turmoil these last number of weeks. Where many would have found the silence heavy and oppressive, he found the silence enjoyable. It was calming to the point where he was allowed to slowly piece together the frayed edges of his life and mind. All in time for the next bout of chaos. "What are you thinking?" So absorbed in what he was feeling Whyte hadn't even noticed at what point Juli had awoken and rolled onto her side, studying his profile. In fact his mind hadn't even registered the words leaving her mouth, only that she had spoken and that those words had been directed at him. He made her repeat herself. "I said, what are you thinking? You just have this really far away look on your face." "I was...I was just thinking..." For a moment Whyte wasn't sure he could articul...

My past itself is the invader I tell myself not to look back It's always in front of me The only thing is to keep busy

Happiness in its purest form True. Is a sweetness I can't say It flows from you Calms me down Makes me feel more alive As alive as I've ever felt Translucent approach

Little Lizzie I remember your dreams Those large aspirations of yours I kept them safe I made them mine Nothing I will show you what you have We used to be friends Only once Long ago When we didn't know any better Control I will own you Sitting still Under my thumb I will break you Or so you think

I hate the back of my mind Thoughts sit there Sick little voices Constantly whispering Constantly bitter They fight, compete to be on top with me I hate that they’re always right I must remind myself to breath

You ask, why am I the way am I? Why am I hard? Sarcastic? Sharp? …I’d rather cut you than me They made me… You make me the way I am Be happy with that knowledge You had an impact, no matter how small I refuse to open myself again I will not re-make the attempt to correct this decision You and everyone else will have to live with it I will not reveal my secrets I will not reveal my truths Not even the falsifications Please, go away You can’t make this better Your attempts are minimal And they cut just as bad in this open wound

Do you know I'm not like you Realize this truth Before it's too late I will leave you Don't try to hold me back Corner me I will fight No one realizes the precious comodity that is Freedom There are those of us Content to follow To be lead To do what is excepted Who decided what these things were? I must stand on my own I will not stay here I will not stay with you I only want him to come with me You can hold on or let go Only one will allow me to come back to you Before too late.

Me: "Do you think we could be forgiven for living a lie?" You: "I guess it depends on the lie you've been living." Me: "Maybe you're right." Pause You: "Do you need to be forgiven?" Me: "I think so." You: "But who's suppose to forgive you?" Me: "You. Maybe. Everyone. God?" You:"What am I suppose to forgive you for?" Me: "I can't tell you now. If you knew, that would be worse than being denied any forgiveness." You: "Oh."

Too aggressive, too strong-willed, too competitive, too independent, too slender, too much dark beauty, too girl next-door, too mysterious, too closed off, too sharp, too pained. Could you really be too much of anything? The simple answer here was ‘yes’. I know. Because I am all of these things. Some I hide well from prying eyes, some qualities people don’t want to see, some qualities I don’t care if people see. That nice, naïve, beautiful girl you’re looking for doesn’t exist here. Sometimes I have to wonder if she ever did, but then I find myself needing to ask someone who knew me all those years ago, 'did that person ever exist?' I immediately stop questioning it. They wouldn’t know. *** Sleep hadn’t come. I didn’t expect it to and if I’m honest I didn’t want it to. Instead I laid in the small bed, big enough to only fit one person comfortably but was instead holding two naked bodies. My eyes closed and my breathing slow, letting the few hours before sunrise melt into the ab...

I look for you In every face In every word Did you know this to be true? Had you expected it? I don’t know how to stop Make me stop This yearning is killing me A slow death of sorts Because you’re not here It’s not you I find Faces of strangers In the arms of acquaintances Of lovers Lost to you