Cravings

It takes so much out of me
To pretend
I’m tired
Not just my eyes are heavy anymore

I hear you breathing
Lying next to me
Warm
But not safe
Sleep doesn’t come to me readily
It’s not something I crave

I made a mistake
Things went too far
It wasn’t supposed to be this way
I was acting in the moment
I leaned on you
Strength and support
You give these things without even knowing

If you knew
Would you still give them
To me?
So freely?

And somehow that makes me happy
Happy
The word sounds strange to me
It’s not often that I feel this way
Happens even less now
What if I never remember to be happy again?
Can’t remember how to be

Falling apart
Try to hold it together
My problem
Is that you heal me
And my broken soul
Glue the pieces into one jumbled mess
The pieces fit better
When its you putting them together

It took so long to realize we didn’t exist
Not anymore
Maybe never before
I die a little more each day
I can never have what I want
What is desired
And needed to survive
Just this semblance of what my heart aches for

It didn’t cost anything
Or so we thought
Who knew that I would be the one to pay the cost

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