Of Saints and Shadows

Down to the water's edge Where we can watch all the beautiful people Sand between your toes And the sun on your back Coloring like newly split kindling We lie down on a bed of moss and rock hard and cool The land is strength feeding into bone and passion -- the spirit

I extend my arm Reaching beyond where you should still be But you're not here I wonder, where have you gone My fingers curling in the soft cotton sheets They still hold your warmth, The perfume of your skin But fading into the chill night air And all too soon the sun is breaking the horizon Just as your warmth, like a trapped memory, breaks free to disappear into the ether

You ask me 'what do you want?' I turn into your body--warm and all I can think to ask is this favor Come over. Stay. Lie down next to me. You can't see underneath the words And it's what I want, of that I'm sure Today--anyway Save me I don't ask for it Instead I lie in darkness, waiting Listening to life outside my window

Stand toe to toe Ready to fight for the things we are He knows why she's here Thinks he understands Open wide Take what you can The hits are coming faster Don't stop till they're at your feet She watches him pace the room Thoughts flashing behind his eyes Memories, but not of her And she thinks He'll finally give her what she needs

Oh these winter nights With their firefly skies Lying beside you I breathe in the waiting sun And the weathered willows Found deep in the valley We silently watch Dancing in our northern winds Visions of summer kissed days Fuel the blazing and charred cedar The sweet scent of wood Mingling with the scent of your skin I breathe deeply Your arms weave around my shoulders Caressing rose tipped flesh Drawing designs As if you were chasing warm currents through the trees Oh these winter nights With their firefly skies We sleep in the arms of lovers Under the watching eyes of the old oaks

This time when you call out I’ll have an answer Something more to tell you Dreams disappear and still you cry out The taste of flesh This time Like every time before And for all time She licks a line across the valley of your shoulders Tracing the contours of your body Memorizing the pathway back This will always be Where we should be In returning to all things, we are Natural This time we will look past What is said To everything unspoken

Yesterday I looked out across this foreign city Faces that hint at recognition And names that demand recollection But it’s not what I see Wishing instead, for the place I once called home Long ago and half a millennium away I remember your dark eyes Looking into my soul Watch it spark And reading my best kept secrets I remember the touch Your body against mine The memory its own warmth against my heart Long ago and half a millennium away Tomorrow I will make it back to you Escape the towering walls of this city For soft earth and warm waters Maybe then we can be in the same place for once

I will not embarrass myself Why did I feel I had to ask You were not the one to pose the questions Never take action We’d been afraid to leave Now the wind takes us where it wills Drift on currents We travel great and unknown distances Will we ever stop to wonder I know this is how it’s going to go The words spoken As they are framed in my mind You want from me And I give freely Because I want But I wonder at the end of all When was I supposed to take

He wants to scream and cry and hit Until he can feel what he has lost, Finally touch that memory that is just beyond his reach It’s been that way since you went away Stars disappear From the corner of your eyes To the places where you’re from And to all the places you said you’d go But don’t dare She wishes she could scream and shout and cry Knowing what she gave away, threw away But she doesn’t think back to yesterday, puts it just out of reach It’s been that way since she walked away Stars disappear From the corner of your eyes To the places where you’re from And to all the places you said you’d go But don’t dare Fast forward through the days You do what you need to, want to Holding onto dreams of me to make it through It’s been that way since you woke up today

We would like to leave this place Keep moving until something fits Leave behind everything The familiar And wait for the morning When everything is revealed Known We will still be here Holding on by our fingertips Swinging back with indecision We will still be here And I will tell you, here can be Anywhere you want it to be

You don’t even seem to have a plan You might see the cracks How broken some of us can be The weakness of a foundation we hold together by strings But I don’t believe you see the haunting beauty Lyrical phrases and rhythmic revelations to be Read between the lines It would be closer to a step in the right direction

Is it over yet A child hiding in bed, covers pulled high Protected from the monsters That would live in the closet Too high a price we pay But consumerism has taught us well Overlook our needs A greater picture All for the unfulfilling desires of the present Relent, and wish for more Turn on the lights Monsters will disappear Faster than you think Chased under the bed The nightmares, not so easily Only to come out tomorrow Oh, but I forgot to mention So too, would the dreams

Morally ambiguous My decisions are fully formed But they leave you guessing You ask, today How much longer must this go on Tired and beaten down You pray to salvation A god who can’t be bothered, trivial you say While selling your soul to the highest bidder The price of a better tomorrow For the chance to change what can’t be broken Servitude is life Fully dealt and unrelenting Sell more than just your soul This is the cost to live Your capitalist empires grow A sandstone city Muddied by torrential downpour And I say globalize this.

His beautiful eyes Glowing with sharp intelligence A cutting blade on flesh The evidence of lines Never quite disappearing Look beyond your narrow vision Shield irises from blinding illumination You leave these marks Forever changing the landscape Of human fabric Destiny we call it Name it what you will Devastation we say

This is quite the dilemma I’ve found myself in Back and forth simultaneously Is it really possible This, I can see, will rip me in two I dreamed of you Last night Often dreamt in color Beautiful words in action But they aren’t beautiful dreams There won’t be anymore dreams A dangerous game we played Fire—gives life/passion I came so close to getting warm Never burned—I live in flame But I still feel nothing No guilt, sadness Just numb and my erratic flying thoughts

What were you thinking this morning How much damage do you want to inflict It would’ve been better for us Had you taken the time Meaning is lost You only hear the words Lyrical And beautiful But between the lines meaning is monstrous And truth a hard mistress to bear What I wasn’t prepared for was finality, was honesty I know you will never tell me you’re sorry We both just accept

Needs must, when the devil drives, wait Desire has always lived on the edge Hoping for a little dream of me And prayer is wasted, get down on your knees darling The universe knows someone is missing And slowly, it attempts to replace them See the sun set in the hand of man Where are the twins? Where are agony and ecstasy? Why do they fear the sunless lands of my father?

I’m telling myself the words Rehearsing the play in my mind Everything as it should be I’m just missing the other characters A one-man show The curtain calls Lines stick in my throat And nothing Goes according to plan Everything as it should be Not exactly as I need it to be

Hear the things that I am saying Purposely give your view While ignoring diplomatic missions A skirmish in the works Try negotiating the peace between us Treacherous waters Patience, waiting for what lies below the dark waters Barricade yourself against the tidal Insignificant Resolve splinters before me And you’ll flee only with your regrets Troubled arguments

What we are as children is rarely what we become as adults. - And what are children, that we are not? Courageous.Straight-forward.Observant. - Ah, so simple. So true. Adults only hold to the most useless and damaging emotions they can muster.